


Nature, Red In Tooth And Claw

by storm_of_sharp_things



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Pirates, Things You Do Not Say, mockumentary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26235994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storm_of_sharp_things/pseuds/storm_of_sharp_things
Summary: Prompt: Locked OutGenre: Pirate MockumentaryLength: Less than or equal to 400Summary: In this episode, our documentarians may not survive their encounter!
Comments: 10
Kudos: 9
Collections: ImPROMPTu Drabblery





	Nature, Red In Tooth And Claw

Arthur leaned on the forecastle railing and watched Ariadne rattle the locked door of the captain’s cabin at the stern, shouting threats. Their mark, stationed at the ship’s wheel, was watching with fascinated horror. A fresh wind filled their sails and pushed them along gentle seas, and, despite the distraction, it was a beautiful day to play out a rather trite privateer scenario for their mark.

Eames leaned on the railing beside him, their old-fashioned sleeves brushing, as Ariadne started kicking at the door. Eames turned his face to murmur into Arthur’s ear. “Here we see the Pirata Regina, commonly known as the puff-throated Ariadne, conducting a species-appropriate warning dance before a threat. We are making a note for future researchers that, no matter how irritable the Ariadne’s behaviour becomes, one should never allow the first mate of one’s pirate crew to inquire after the status of the captain’s physical position vis a vis any ‘rag.’”

Arthur bit his lip to stifle his snort.

Dom shouted from inside the cabin. “...it’s just that you were acting like such a bitch! Of course I’m going to ask whether you’re on your period!”

Ariadne took a deep breath and held out her hand. One of the crew, a projection, tossed her an ax from a safe distance.

“Rest assured, there is no doubt,” Eames continued in his whispered narration, accompanied by the thudding noises of the ax, “that the Ariadne will utterly destroy the extremely dim-witted threat. It rather looks as though we shall be privileged to see the tendency of the species to make an example of those creatures who overstep the Pirata Regina’s _very_ clearly marked boundaries.”

Arthur’s eyes watered as the sturdy door shivered under the blows, and he nudged Eames fiercely. “Stop it,” he hissed.

Dom was busy adding fuel to the fire. “You’re being irrational! Can you get a grip? Do you need some brownies or something?”

Eames sucked in a breath. “Oh my, gentle viewers, that’s done it.” He and Arthur both winced as the door started to give way. “Note to the film crew if we should not survive this production: under no circumstances should any future encounters take place in the vicinity of the _stupidest creature in existence_.”

Arthur sighed as the dream started to collapse around them and Eames rolled his eyes. “Dibs on murdering him topside before we try this again.”


End file.
